


Re-write But Add Lizards This Time

by Kaiel



Category: The Magnus Archives
Genre: Crack Fic, Fix-it fic, Lizards, canon typical worms, original lizard characters, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiel/pseuds/Kaiel
Summary: Things with Prentiss might have turned out very differently if Martin had owned a lizard.
Relationships: pre Jon Sims/Martin Blackwood
Comments: 27
Kudos: 255





	Re-write But Add Lizards This Time

**Author's Note:**

> I have no explanation for this. I own a very hungry bearded dragon who will literally eat worms till he makes himself sick. 
> 
> It inspired this. Now I inflict it on all of you, unbetaed at this time so sorry for all the errors.

And then there were Lizards

Martin could hear her outside his door taunting him. What was worse was that he could see the duck tape he had used around his door was starting to allow light to come through in place- from the worms steadily chewing through the tape. But the absolute worst thing of all, was that it was the fault of Jane Prentiss that the one love in his life might die. 

Martin clutched Puff to his chest trying his best to keep the little bearded dragon warm. But with the power cut to his flat, all Martin could really to was try and tuck the little guy under his shirt and deal with the rough scales and claws. Puff was not a big fan of this arrangement and had once again wiggled his way out. Suddenly he was off in a flash, moving faster then Martin though he had ever seen the little dragon run. 

Martin spotted what the lizard was running for too late, Puff had spotted and promptly devoured one of the worms. Martin froze. Puff yawned. His tongue coming out, to seemingly lick at his lips. Puff seemed disinclined to move from the spot of his meal. Martin was conflicted. If Puff was now somehow infected with the worms, the last thing Martin should do was pick him up and keep him close, on the other hand, it wasn’t exactly hot in Martin’s flat and Puff was his closest friend. 

The three year old bearded dragon didn’t deserve to die cold and alone. Martin decided after a moment. He scooped the disobedient lizard up and deposited him back inside his sweater. 

When after another full day Puff still showed no signs of infection or illness Martin finally relaxed a fraction. Or at least he did until he saw a small stream of worms pouring out from the corner of his front door. 

Puff saw it only a second later and quickly made his way into the fray. Devouring worms with a speed that belayed his size. Martin had always been astounded by how much the little fellow could eat, he was quite sure that if he let him Puff would eat himself sick. 

The little bearded dragon valiantly are his way through the steady onslaught of worms. Until they slowed to a tickle, and then nothing. Cautiously Martin inched towards the little Dragon. And listened at the door. Nothing. Not even the sound of worms that had been his constant companion. Martin clutched Puff to his chest and risked it. 

He opened the door and ran. He had seen Prentiss but she had been leaning on a wall some meters away, looking exhausted; for all that expressions could still be seen on her pock marked face. 

Martin didn’t stop until he reached the institute. Puff had been decidedly unhappy with the arrangement, and on a full stomach to less. He had turned a deep angry black and his beard was in a half flared position. Martin tried to comfort him as he jogged his way down to the Archives from the lobby. 

“Jon!” Martin shouted as he finally reached the office. 

“My god Martin what-“ Jon jumped in shock as Martin swung the door to his office open, finally letting go of Puff and allowing him free range of Martin’s jumper. Martin was breathing hard. 

Puff darted up Martins shoulder to eat a worm that had some how made it to Martin’s shirt collar. Jon looked at a loss for words. 

“ Jane Prentiss.” Martin panted out. 

***

Martin had given his statement. Jon still seemed unsure of what exactly to do. Sasha had thoughtfully provided a hot water bottle for Puff to sit on and he had seen fit to immediately fall asleep. Martin was deeply jealous. 

“So Prentiss kept you besieged for two days but your- reptile was able to subdue her worms?” Jon asked for clarification. 

“Yes.” Martin nodded. “I have no idea how many worms he ate, but he is the only reason I made it out.” Jon nodded I’m careful consideration. 

“And You’re sure about all of this, Martin?” Jon asked. 

“Look, I’m not going to lie to you about something like this, John. I… like my job. Most of the time.” Martin said, stroking Puffs back in an effort to remain calm. 

“Very well. In which case there’s a room in the Archives I use to sleep when working late. I suggest you stay there for now. It’s supposed to be humidity controlled and, though it hasn’t been working for some time, it does mean it’s well-sealed. Nothing will be sneaking through any window cracks. I’ll speak to Elias about getting some updated security- you said the lizard was a bearded dragon? Maybe we could get a few for the Archives in case of worms.” Jon said. He was completely serious. 

“Oh, um ok. Thanks- I, to be honest I didn’t expect you to take this seriously.” Jon showed him the texts he had received, including the most recent telling Jon to “keep him and that disgusting creature.” Which Martin thought was a bit high and mighty coming from a woman with lizard food for brains. 

***

All told the Archives ending up with some 15 Lizards. The tanks took up almost an entire wall of the already cramped space, but Martin could honestly say he had never been so grateful to be claustrophobic. Part of his job now was looking after 15 different bearded dragons. Which, aside from the vague sense of terror caused but the worms, Martin couldn’t really complain. He got to play with Lizards for have his day- and get paid for it! 

Each Archival staff member was required to have a Lizard on them at all times. As per the new office safety precautions It was part of why they had ended up getting so many. As it wasn’t great for them to be away from their heat lamps for too long, so everyone just rotated through a selection of lizards. To Martins surprise Jon seemed quite taken with the creatures. And would listen with rapt attention, if Martin had anything to say about their care or behaviour. It was rather endearing. 

He had also caught Tim holding up the Lizards’ front paws for high fives and had caught Sasha bringing them little hats to wear.

The constant presence of so many utterly relaxed animals had added advantage of creating a happier staff, it was hard to be stressed about anything when there was a lizard in a top hat sitting on your coworkers head. 

When the infestation was discovered, Jon and Sasha both responded by taking the Lizards on their shoulders off and pushing them gently towards the source of the worms, and Martin plucking every lizard out and placing them in opposite directions around the floor. (After tying helium balloons to their hips, the Oreo flared balloons were there so they would be able to find the lizards again later.) 

Once the worst of the worms were taken care of, the various reptiles were retrieved and deposited some where safe, Jon held up a lighter to the smoke detector and triggered the CO2 suppression. 

Silently in his office Elias Bouchard fumed. The very first Mark he had attended was foiled by lizards. He did his best to swallow down the most obvious outward signs of his fury and went downstairs to check on his Archivist. 

The man had about two lizards on each arm, and he was smiling. A sight Elias was not happy to lay his eyes on. 

“I see your unconventional security was a success Jon.” Elias said, his voice not matching the anger he couldn’t completely keep from his eyes. 

“Yes, they did a wonderful job!” Jon said, still a touch high as a side effect of the carbon dioxide and then immediate oxygen therapy. Elias reaches out to pat on of the Lizards clinging to Jon’s chest. It hissed at him, before biting his finger hard enough to draw blood. 

“Oh sorry Elias! I guess he she was still a bit hungry.” Jon said gently stroking the lizard trying to calm it down. Jon wandered over to chat with Martin about maybe adopting a certain lizard as Elias tended to his injured finger and wounded pride.


End file.
